HELPFULL TIPS FOR. THOSE THAT ARE CONSIDERING A DIVORCE, OR THOSE THAT HAVE BEEN BLINDSIDED BY ONE.
IF YOU ARE LIKE ME AND FIND YOURSELF BLINDSIDED BY A DIVORCE, PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING TIPS. THESE ARE THINGS I LEARNED, AFTER MY "HUSBAND" CAME TO ME AND ASKED FOR A DIVORCE, THESE ARE THINGS THAT I WISH I HAD KNOWN ABOUT BEFORE IT HAPPENED.
1. Get your own bank account and change your old ATM card to a new one and change your pin number.
If you have a joint account with your spouse, they will empty the account out with little thought of how you are going to feed yourself. Be prepared, by having your own "secret" account. Place little bits of money from your joint account into the secret one, once a month, put $5, $10, $20 or if you can more, once a month and you will find that your account will grow, this will come in handy when you need to get food to feed yourself or to obtain a lawyer. I was a housewife and did not work, I was completely dependant on this "man" DO NOT allow the same thing to happen to you.
2. Find a job if you don't already have one, or become a volunteer.
If you don't have a job, FIND ONE!!! Do not allow yourself to be dependant on your spouse. My spouse left me with no food and no money he was ordered by his company commander to put food in the house, I went a week without no food, he emptied the joint account, and the refrigerator. Find a job, even if it is part time, get some money coming in, even if you have to work out of your home.
3. Remove your name from all of his and your credit cards get new one's.
If you are an authorized card holder on your spouses credit cards, DO NOT HESITATE! Remove your name from these cards IMMEDIATELY! When it comes time for you to go to court to obtain your divorce and you are in a 50-50 state, you will be liable to pay half those bills, My husband and I had 3 Visa cards, I could have gotten stuck with paying over $10,000 dollars, which is half of those Visa's combined, at the time I went to court I did not have a job, I could barely feed myself, not to mention having to come up with a payment to pay on a Visa Bill, PROTECT YOURSELF!!
4. If there are objects you want to keep, send them home or to someone you trust, before the divorce papers are started . You can even open a storage place of your own for $1.00 with www.publicstoreage.com
In the state of California, once you begin the divorce proceedings, all objects in the house are under a restraining order, nothing in the house is to be removed, you can go to jail for being in contempt of a court order, if you removed items after the proceedings have begun.
If there are items you want to keep and you don't want to have to fight for them in court, start sending them home, or to someone you trust.
5. Be careful of who you call and what you say concerning your ex?.
Your soon to be EX can and will tap the telepone and attempt to use things against you in court, becareful who you trust, friends you once had as a married couple will turn against you and choose sides, others will just ignore you, be prepared to lose friends you have had, even those that have been with you for years. I had a friend, that I had known for 11 years, she turned against me and was running back to "him" telling him everything I was saying and things I was going to use in court. I know it hurts to say don't trust your friends, but once the divorce starts, your friends will choose sides and they will not care about your feelings.
6. Because of continued emotional and economic ties, divorce is not an "over and out" transition. So be sure to establish credit, understand and address taxation, get security for payments, and begin estate, retirement, and health care planning before you divorce you can contact www.carenotes.com
7. Getting security for payments of child support and alimony is important. Without it, should the paying spouse die while owing child support and alimony, the recipient spouse and children may receive nothing other than Social Security.
8. Because there are different rules for different types of pensions and because there are alternatives available regarding lump sum or monthly distributions after retirement, find out early in the case which rules apply to your situation.
9. Because the family home may be the largest asset acquired during the marriage, a court may deem it unfair to let one party use the residence and tie up the other's equity for a long period of time -- without an agreement to the contrary.
10. The breakup of a marriage is like the breakup of a business partnership. The assets -- and the liabilities - will be divided. Although the methods by which the property is divided vary from state to state, when you get your share, you mu be prepared to invest it wisely.
11. Consider an interim will and a durable power of attorney after separation to insure that no more of your estate than necessary will pass to your estranged spouse. And make sure to change the beneficiaries on your life and accident policies when you separate.
12. Spell out guardianship and child-related financial provisions in your will because if you don't specify how you want your children raised and supported, court may do it for you -- without you being there to object get certified documents.
13. Since divorce generally involves continued contact, and since circumstances change, be prepared to face such issues as remarriage, relocation, changed income, illness, and bankruptcy.
14. Since your agreement or court order will probably change over time, try to cover all anticipated bases and avoid ambiguity in your papers. If something comes up that no one expected, without planning a way in which to handle change, you can count on having your lives disrupted again.
15. Check the status of your credit before the divorce. If your're authorized to use a credit card, but are not obligated on the account (which is often the case), you may have no credit history and therefore no credit. If an account is used by both of you during the marriage, that does not necessarily mean that both of you have credit ratings and credit histories.